First, there was one Simon. This Simon's name is Jake. He sits on the left of the picture. He is well-liked by all, but is nowhere near as awesome as the second Simon. The second Simon sits on the right. He is handsome and has personality, and is your fine narrator. All was well in the land of two Simons until people began to realize that if they didn't feed the second, more awesome Simon less, he would look as round as the first, less awesome Simon.
And then began The Diet. This Diet was not a form of parliament, but something infinitely more evil. It turns out that The Diet involves... giving Simons less food.
EGADS! HORRORS! NOOOOO!
So on one paw, I weigh less now and they'll actually stop reducing my food. On the other paw, they've been feeding me less food. On the third paw, they leave around sandwiches that I can eat, so it's not that bad. On the fourth paw, I know how to disconnect all of their phones in retribution.
The good is balanced by the bad.
signing off.
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