Bath!

They bathed me. Okay, deep breath, Simon. Breathe. Inhale, exhale, inhale....

They bathed me. They made me wet. The bath itself? Fine, sure, whatever. It amused everyone well enough. But then I was wet. They bathed me. That was NOT awesome. What did they think they were doing? What happened to cats having dignity? (What dignity? you say. MY dignity! I had scads of it before this!)

I don't have any dignity anymore, do I? I think I'm in shock. I've been stripped of my dignity. I didn't deserve this! I only got into some gross X-ray stuff, but honest, I didn't deserve it.

Well... I am much smaller without my hair. Maybe this means that the Diet can cease?

With a great amount of sorrow and grief,
Simon

Holiday Drive to Benefit Cortland Community SPCA!!!

I've been recruited to tell you all about the awesome holiday drive Crossroads is doing to benefit the SPCA. This is because everyone knows by now that I am INTERNET FAMOUS and if you have the incredible me tell people about something, they're going to listen up and listen sharp. Here's the link to the main article on the website, so that you can see more about it.

So I'll leave you with a picture of somecat you looks suspiciously like me, suffering indignity to try to bribe you to take part! (I was coerced. It wasn't me. It was a stunt double. It was Jake. It was Cookie-- we bleached her! It wasn't me!)

Yours,
Simon

Where I Wish I Could Be....

Dear World,

This is your friendly neighborhood Bad Cat. I would like to take a moment out of your day to point your attention to the landscape in this picture I have here:

Yes, you will note that something is lacking in this picture, something that I really wish was lacking in the real world. SNOW! Why is there snow in the real world?! I WANT TO LIVE IN THE PICTURE. There's nothing interesting to look at but white. I'm white; I don't need more of it around, even if it does mirror the awesome color of me. I mean, seriously, I know how awesome I am, but I don't need nature to try to mimic me. They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but it's not, it's really not, because I am an Individual Cat, Unique, Awesome. I don't need nature trying to imitate me, cuz it can't even come close.

No badness. Cold. Too much white. Where's my personal heater? What badness do I have to do for it? Cats should be able to hibernate.

No love,

Simon