Simon Talks About Maru!

I have finally found a cat NEARLY as awesome as me.

This is Maru. Maru likes boxes. Maru understands the need that I have for a palace of boxes. (One day, I will make the humans create a box palace for me. This will be a wonderful day.)

Maru understands many things, like catly dignity and decided nonchalance. He understands our need to get into things. HE IS THE JAPANESE SCOTTISH FOLD VERSION OF ME. He even has his own Wikipedia page, which I hope one day to have. His celebrity is an inspiration to kingly cats everywhere.

With love and awe,
yours truly,
Simon

Shrink Ray Time!

I have come up with the perfect plan of bad!

We all know that cats are magic, right? Right. It's not like you've been living in a box all your life.

...

Note to self-- when given option, live in box all your life. How great would that be?

My bad plan is THIS-- I will shrink Dr. Miller and a DOG using special cat magic and make Dr. Miller work for all eternity as my little puppet. Dance, my puppets, dance! Every so often, I will probably remember to shrink some food for him. I assume. I'll assign Jake to it, anyway. He'll remember. Dr. Miller will be tortured for all eternity, since dogs are HORRIBLE, and it will give me an opportunity for chaos in his unexpected absence.

Meanwhile, everyone all through the practice will be scurrying about-- "Where is Dr. Miller?" they will wonder as their hearts are filled with apprehension and sorrow. "Where is he? We must have him back!" No one would think of Simon, Bad Cat Extraordinaire! And I would be free to set myself up as a DOCTOR KING. No more neuterings! Exam fees would go through the roof so that I could afford my elaborate lifestyle of gigantic pillows and boxes of all shapes and sizes. I would build a box palace and live in it forevermore, and no one would be able to roust me until a plucky young cat, probably called Knight or some such stupid thing, came to drive me from my throne as Evil Doctor King of Bad.

On second thought, I better not risk it.

Love and kisses,
Simon

We are NOT amused!

Hmph. My Court Archivist's poem has weird rhythm. How dare he make me an ode where the rhythm is all weird? I am NOT AMUSED. He must, obviously, try again, because I am too awesome to have a poem that is not perfect.

In other news, I am very tired. I am a tired cat. I work very hard here, and people insist on writing bad poems about me! How dare they.

 I need to come up with a new plan of bad. Something that will impress everyone. Something ode-worthy. But what? What could I do that would be that downright awesome?

Hmm.... I must scheme away and figure something out!

Adoringly yours,
Simon