So Says Simon is TIRED

It's been so warm out, the kind of days where cats just want to laze about and not do anything except exude cute. I don't want to do anything today, but here I am, blogging for you, because I am awesome. I'm thinking about even letting Cookie come back to the keyboard, even after her uprising where she tried to take my position away from me. As if she could ever be the head of bad in THIS veterinary clinic. That job is reserved solely for me, not for any skittish little upstart!

So you may have been able to tell, but I am letting The Other Simon do more. He is now chronicling the myths of cat-kind, to commemorate my reign, as well as writing odes to my awesomeness. I may stop that soon. His poetry is awful; myths are waaay better.

I may just lay here and let others do my work for me. It's too warm and nice out. I'll just relax and sit here....



zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..................

Rules For the Cat

As if the cat needs rules. Pah.

[Myth] Afa and the Bird

Once upon a time, cats ruled the world. This was in the time of Egypt, of Assyria, of Phoenicia. It was a time of sand and heat. These were the favored conditions for cats, so they thrived and grew as a species. They were worshiped as gods; Bast, Sekhmet-- only two of the many goddesses associated with cats.

Over the sands of Egypt rose a dynasty of cats. After years of battles with the jackals of the desert, the mighty cats rose as rulers of the land. The first Cat King was actually a Queen, and her name was Afa. As was the custom in the land, Afa was disguised as a king rather than a queen, and lived her life pretending to be a male cat.

One day, Afa was strolling down the banks of the Nile and she came upon a bird. This was a water bird, leggy and long-necked, with a great beak and narrow eyes. It was a savage creature to any unwary fish, but it had been brought low. On the side of that great river, it lay. Afa sat beside it and pondered. She would have loved to have been the one to catch the water bird, but eating it while it lay there seemed like too little of a challenge to her.

"What are you waiting for?" asked water bird. "Do you not plan to eat me?"

"I do," Afa proclaimed, rising to all four feet, "but I will not eat you if you are less than your best."

So for forty-nine days and nights, Afa nursed the water bird back to health in the comfort of her palace. She gave it broth made of fish, bathed its wounds in the softest of silks, and gently kissed its head every night before bed. When the day dawned that the bird could once more take flight, she jumped on its back and ate it all up.

Moral: Cats are capricious, but they never lie.

Bad: The Question of Why

Bad: The Question of Why

by

Jake,

Court Archivist,

otherwise known as, much to his frustration,

The Other Simon

The nature of bad is such that

 a cat can commit it without ever knowing, or necessarily realize what they've done,

as badness is in the nature of the cat.

As nature is natural, and we understand natural to be good,

can badness be bad?

Is badness evil? Is goodness, for a cat, bad?

The paradox of our existence breaks my brain.

Simon is exalted.