A Truth Universally Acknowledged

It is a truth universally acknowledged that cats have an honest and pure duty to bite, rip, and tear all stuffed animals. Being a Cat of Cats, a Kingly Cat, a Cat of Awesome Badness, I could no more deny my duty in this manner than I could fly. (Note to self-- see if you can fly.)

You must understand, the Pig was asking for it. It was all up in my business, trying to sock me on my gorgeous if-I-do-say-so-myself nose. I therefore had to bite its little piggy snout and squish it, just a little.

Such is my catly duty.

Of course, it is also the nature of the noble cat to forgive and cease biting once the scurrilous creature that offended ye awesome cat apologizes. Therefore, I was eventually able to forgive Piglet and get on with my life.

In the days before Christmas, the cats have managed to con one of the vet techs, Beth, into providing us with stockings. Having stockings, naturally, means that they have to be filled. I, however, through my sneaky cat ways, have managed to hear rumors that Dr. Wood got me a present that was too big for my stocking! I love loot. It's part of my Pirate King of Bad ways.

Sneakily, Piglet-lovingly, hilariously yours,
Simon