New Pastimes

Cookie and I have a new pastime. It's called, Trick the Humans. It's really a lot of fun-- everyone should play it, because it's awesome!

Step one: Look down the drain mysteriously. (Definition of "mysteriously": in a cat-like manner.)

Step two: Do this often.

Rinse, repeat, and try not to get too wet. We've decided that there are fish living in the drains. Cookie, who actually believes this rather than just pretending, like me, meows that when she finds one, she'll make it a pet and call it Walter. I have tried not to snicker TOO much. It's not dignified.

If there were fish, I wonder what their lives would be like. They'd have to only swim vertically rather than horizontally, shooting through the pipes. Though there are probably horizontal pipes. I think I don't quite understand the concept of pipes. Hmm....

Jake has decided that we're both insane. Insanity is fun, though! Cats are creatures of the good kind of insanity. It's why we balance on skinny poles and things very far up in the air. It amuses the humans, and more importantly, it amuses us. When it suits us, anyway. :P


TTYL, people!

Your faithful blog writer,
signing off,
Simon

In which I am two years old

On the 21st, I had an epically awesome birthday party, celebrating my birthday on that Sunday.

I had a kitty litter cake and now am 2. Which isn't old, no matter what the usurper says, the little brat! My presents included:

• A light-up ball

• A catnip squirrel

• And tissue paper wrapping

They're finally beginning to appreciate how awesome I am! They're giving me almost enough stuff! Overall, it was a good birthday. Now, to plan how to get more gifts....

Slyly yours,
Simon

Oh, the Holiday Season

This is Cookie again, reporting because Simon is too ASHAMED to come to the computer right now, thanx bai.

Big roll of eyes, here. He's being such a drama cat. Honestly, if a cat can't stand a little bit of indignity, he doesn't deserve to be a cat. True dignity is when you can be a little ridiculous and realize that it doesn't offend your dignity. (This isn't to say that dogs are dignified. They aren't. You know it, and so do I.) So I think I should help him along a little bit-- here, I'll give you a photo of Simon looking great in his Christmas outfit. He would never let you see it himself, given the choice, but I think this will help him grow as a cat, don't you?

I think that it's really the holiday season that has pushed him over the edge. First, all of the outfits and the pictures. I mean, we got an awesome cat tower, but at what price? In my opinion, a perfectly agreeable price, but then again, I guess I'm not the one being photographed. And after that, they decided to poke him with needles today! Me, I say, "trials and tribulations of living in a veterinary clinic, right?" and go on with my life, provided that they don't do it to me. But Simon... I think it was the straw that broke the cat's back. And his little human girlfriend had to see his indignity too! (Simon is in luuuuurv with her. Jordan is nice, but blech! Humans!)

But, whatever. Let's let bygones be bygones and go on with our nine lives. I guess he does have a point. These people do torture us a lot. But hey, we are here for them to torture, I guess. It's all part of being a member of the entertainment division!

Me and Jake, we know better than to try to be the Baddest Cat Ever, but Simon doesn't really. He's so stupid, honestly. I am so superior to him that you can't even believe. I know better than to try to do what he does, but still... you can't help but admire him. Just a little. And let me remind you that since this is the interwebz, this might not be Cookie, so you can't hold me to those words! Don't tell Simon I said that!

Anyway, glad to give you a long post after our little blog-vacation! Here's hoping that you had a good holiday.

Staying awesome,
Cookie

Bath!

They bathed me. Okay, deep breath, Simon. Breathe. Inhale, exhale, inhale....

They bathed me. They made me wet. The bath itself? Fine, sure, whatever. It amused everyone well enough. But then I was wet. They bathed me. That was NOT awesome. What did they think they were doing? What happened to cats having dignity? (What dignity? you say. MY dignity! I had scads of it before this!)

I don't have any dignity anymore, do I? I think I'm in shock. I've been stripped of my dignity. I didn't deserve this! I only got into some gross X-ray stuff, but honest, I didn't deserve it.

Well... I am much smaller without my hair. Maybe this means that the Diet can cease?

With a great amount of sorrow and grief,
Simon

Holiday Drive to Benefit Cortland Community SPCA!!!

I've been recruited to tell you all about the awesome holiday drive Crossroads is doing to benefit the SPCA. This is because everyone knows by now that I am INTERNET FAMOUS and if you have the incredible me tell people about something, they're going to listen up and listen sharp. Here's the link to the main article on the website, so that you can see more about it.

So I'll leave you with a picture of somecat you looks suspiciously like me, suffering indignity to try to bribe you to take part! (I was coerced. It wasn't me. It was a stunt double. It was Jake. It was Cookie-- we bleached her! It wasn't me!)

Yours,
Simon

Where I Wish I Could Be....

Dear World,

This is your friendly neighborhood Bad Cat. I would like to take a moment out of your day to point your attention to the landscape in this picture I have here:

Yes, you will note that something is lacking in this picture, something that I really wish was lacking in the real world. SNOW! Why is there snow in the real world?! I WANT TO LIVE IN THE PICTURE. There's nothing interesting to look at but white. I'm white; I don't need more of it around, even if it does mirror the awesome color of me. I mean, seriously, I know how awesome I am, but I don't need nature to try to mimic me. They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but it's not, it's really not, because I am an Individual Cat, Unique, Awesome. I don't need nature trying to imitate me, cuz it can't even come close.

No badness. Cold. Too much white. Where's my personal heater? What badness do I have to do for it? Cats should be able to hibernate.

No love,

Simon

That's How the Cookie Crumbles

Greetings.

This is Cookie, guest blogging for Simon. Simon asked me to blog for him today-- I have to assume because I'm cuter than he is and will attract more traffic to the blog-- so here I am, me, the wiliest usurper ever! Jake will probably be doing a guest post at some point in the future too, but his post obviously won't be as incredible as mine.

Anyway, we finally managed to get them to take down the curtains upstairs. After tearing them down so many times, it's only right that they would finally get the idea that we didn't want them there. I think that it really lifts the mood in the room, which is this entertainment department's main goal, after all. (Well, honestly, the main goal is getting the 'nip, but entertainment and lifting the mood are a close second. Maybe. Okay, not really, but Simon likes to meow about it like it is. Honestly, that's all he ever does. Talk talk talk. :P)

Other than that, not much is new in cool!cat-land. We've been sticking to the tried and true classics lately-- being adorable by sleeping in the same bed, batting at things despite how it wounds our dignity, &c. Simon's been teaching me, though, so maybe someday soon we'll do something big and get something cool for it. Simon always manages to make his tricks result in getting us something cool, like the fleece for the couch upstairs, or more 'nip. You know, people, Christmas is coming up and I'd really like more toys.... Or treats, or 'nip, for that matter.

Because we are the original cool cats. We are the best at what we do. And that's just how the cookie crumbles.

Hugs and kisses,
Cookie