Corporate Takeover

Cookie here, bringing you the breaking news in cat mischief. Simon always tries to steal the spotlight, when really it's me who's been doing all the work around here. Simon's mellowed, I swear, what with his crush on his favorite human and his need to impress her. Ugh.

Lately, it's as if he can only look with awe at how great I am at my job, which is pretty much the same as HIS job, which he's been failing at. He just hasn't been bad enough.

I, meanwhile, have been sowing a low-level of discord. By being small and adorable, I can get away with pretty much anything. But by refusing to be picked up and carted around, despite how adorable I am, it frustrates people's need to cuddle the cuteness.

I have totally taken up the throne of the Bad Cat. Simon could only wish to be as terrifically bad as me. This means that I get the best seats in the house, the adoration, the praise, the bowing. Okay, there's no bowing. Why the heck isn't there any bowing, people? Get on that.

It's not about specialized acts of badness anymore, those one-time events that create huge amounts of annoyance and amusement. It's about that low-level badness that is day-to-day, ever-present, ever-watchful.... And that? I am the queen of. No one else in this practice is as cool as me at everything. It is official: I have taken over Simon's position as head of the entertainment division! And he better not try to get back his job, because this is just how the cookie's crumbled.

Sneakily yours,
Cookie